Sister and I watching Life of Pi 3d
There are a million things I want to do this year, both small and large, but in talking with my sister about our New Year’s plans I realized that my resolution or goal or intention (or whatever you want to call it) boils down to one thing:
I want to be active and present in my life.
I feel like I did many amazing things in 2012 and accomplished a lot personally and professionally. But it also kind of feels like I slept-walk through a lot of that.
I numbed myself from pain and risk in a variety of ways throughout 2012. It was necessary, helpful … it was fine. I watched too much TV but I actually got something out of a lot of that. I drowned myself in work but I needed to do that to get my career more stable as I launched into writing for myself instead of doing so much work as a contractor. I took too much Ambien for my depression/anxiety-related insomnia.
Those things were right for 2012. But there’s been a stirring of change in me in the past month or two. An awakening of sorts. A desire to not simply do more but to be more fully involved in the doing of things. It’s manifested in small ways already as I’ve noticed myself reading a lot of books about contemporary Zen Buddhism, noticed myself drawn towards less drinking and less anti-anxiety medication, felt myself needing to change my work schedule to allow for more in-the-moment creativity instead of completely planned out times.
So instead of the list I was planning to write here about all of the things I want to do and see and visit and try and accomplish in 2013, I’ve just got one overarching goal – the goal that no matter what I do in this year I want to be completely involved in it and aware within the actions of doing it.
What is your big overarching goal for 2013? What do you need more of in this year for your life to feel more right, more comfortable, more yours?