The first book of 2013 that I finished reading was a quick and fun read by Julie Klausner called I Don’t Care About Your Band: What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated. As the title suggests, it’s a memoir about the follies of dating.
Permission to Just Be
I think what I really loved about this book was that it offered a refreshing take on a crappy dating life from my usual way of thinking about. I’m super interested in human psychology and why people do what they do. As a result, I’ve read many memoirs by women about their dating lives but these usually go into intense detail about the reasons that they are so messed up that they choose men who treat them badly. Julie basically just says, “nothing terrible happened to me; I was just a normal teen/twentysomething figuring out what dating was all about with a bunch of young guys who were also doing the same and that’s why there were a lot of crappy dates”.
I think that there are a lot of deep psychological reasons we choose who we choose but it was refreshing to just look at it as, “does it really matter? This is just what happened.” Julie gives girls permission to just be where they are in their dating lives and not beat themselves up about it, even if they are making what are arguably mistakes. She doesn’t advocate dating guys who treat you badly and gives lots of great examples of why not to do that but she does say it’s okay to just make those mistakes and not get too bent out of shape about why you did.
It’s a Funny Book
Julie is a comedienne and you can definitely tell this in the book. All of her tales are funny. All of her insights into her reasons for going on these wacky dates are funny. What I really love, though, is that she manages to share her dating mistakes in a funny way without being self-deprecating, which I think is something that’s really hard to do and really hard to see. It made the book especially charming.
I’ve Dated That Guy
I definitely saw some people from my own past in the dates that Julie details in I Don’t Care About Your Band. I think most women will, if only because Julie gave herself over to trying quite a variety of guys in her search for love. Reading the book, therefore, makes you feel like you’re reading your own diary or talking with a best friend who really gets you.
Julie makes this great point somewhere in the book that stood out to me which is essentially that you really have to believe wholeheartedly in love to keep subjecting yourself to the awful experience of dating. At the time of the book’s ending she’s been happily dating a good guy for about a year although she doesn’t dwell on this “happy ending”. You just get the sense that for all the bad dates and times it might’ve been better to stay home with a book it’s really a good thing to keep putting yourself out there because it means that you still believe in love.