How to Stop Fighting About Money

It’s amazing how many marriages end because the two people involved in them can’t reconcile their financial differences. It’s sad that money comes between us and our lovers so often, isn’t it? So how do we stop fighting about money.

Here are some of the tips that I think make sense:

  • Deal with your emotions surrounding money. People fight about money because they have all kinds of money emotions. Issues related to fear, power and control dominate people’s money conversations. If you learn to deal with your money emotions and to keep them out of your financial talks, you’ll fight a lot less with your partner.
  • Create a plan for handling money in your home. It’s not easy to come up with money solutions that work in your home. You need to consider who will pay the bills and how, which purchases need to be discussed in advance and which don’t and what your long-term savings goals are. This is tough. But if you create a plan, you’ll have something to work with and won’t fight as much anymore.
  • Pick a date to deal with money. You don’t have to fight about money every day of the month. Pick one date (perhaps when rent is due) to deal with your money problems. Commit to solving them on that date. Then put the rest on the back burner until the next month and just enjoy your spouse without money being an issue.

I think we just need to start being more responsible and more respectful in our conversations about money and we’d have a lot fewer fights about it!


Can Couples Pull Together During the Recession?

The recession is doing strange things to people. It’s causing many different types of changes – some positive and some negative. One of the things that seems to be affected greatly is relationships. People are handling dating, marriage and discussions about money differently than they did in the past.

For some people, this has been a good thing. Couples that are facing the recession head-on together may be strengthening their relationship as a result of undergoing these tough times as a team. Unfortunately, that’s not how everyone is handling this situation.

There are quite a few couples out there that find their relationship impacted by the recession in a negative way. They are fighting about money. They are fighting about things unrelated to money because they’re stressed out by their finances. They are letting the recession tear them apart instead of allowing it to bring them together.

At the end of this difficult economic time, we are going to see that the way we dealt with the recession says a lot about who we are and the lives that we lead. Those couples who opt to make use of this time to bring themselves closer could be the ones that end up having positive life-long relationships.


Are Honeymoons Stressful?

The topic of weddings and honeymoons seems to keep coming up in my life a lot lately. I have to admit, it’s not a topic that I really understand. I’ve never been someone who was a big fan of ceremonies and I kind of think that the whole hullaballoo that people put themselves through for planning an elaborate wedding is really kind of strange. Nevertheless, it’s something that people do so the topic keeps coming up.

What people seem to be telling me lately is that the wedding is stressful but only as stressful as they’d expected it to be. The honeymoon, on the other hand, is also stressful but the stress seems to surprise them because they expected this vacation part of the new marriage to be a breeze.

That expectation seems silly to me. As someone who has done a fair amount of traveling, I have come to expect that there are often going to be problems on my vacations. Travel just comes with a lot of hassles including delays and illnesses and weather issues and getting lost. Don’t get me wrong – I love to travel – but nothing about it really seems simple to me.

And it definitely doesn’t seem simple when it involves planning and going with another person. There are very few people that I’ve actually enjoyed traveling with because people have such different travel styles. I’m lucky because there are some people really close to me that I travel well with but I certainly don’t travel well with everyone that I’m close to so the idea that travel with someone else will go smoothly isn’t something I’d bank on.

I certainly think that honeymoons should be fun and romantic and enjoyable. I think that about all types of vacations. However, I don’t think that they’re simple things to plan out and make happen so that’s something all of these marriage-planning people may want to take into consideration as they do their planning!


I Don’t Understand The Cost of Weddings

Something that I was reading earlier today made me start thinking about the cost of weddings. Do you know how much money people are spending to get married these days? Even budget weddings are expensive. Heck, even choosing to elope instead of getting married with a big ceremony can be expensive if you’re not careful about how you do it. So why is it that people spend a small fortune on the ceremony of marriage?

I know the reasons that everyone says that they don’t mind spending money on a wedding. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime-event. It’s an important rite of passage. It’s a great gathering of friends and family that is worth the cost that comes with it. Yada yada yada.

I still don’t get it.

Perhaps this is because I’m just not a person who much likes ceremonies. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve been to some really fun weddings. I have ideas in mind that would surely make any wedding of mine a blast to attend. I just don’t think it’s worth a five-figure number for a single-day event that may or may not turn out like you planned.

Maybe I’m just not romantic enough. Or maybe I’m just not traditional enough. I’m not sure.

What’s your opinion? Are weddings today really worth their cost?


Divorce and the Economy

I have been reading a bunch of interesting news articles online lately about divorce rates and the current economy. It’s interesting stuff because it seems to be this nasty cycle.

On the one hand, the poor economy is causing a lot of stress in marriages which means that there are a lot of couples interested in getting divorced right now. On the other hand, divorce is expensive. It’s complicated by the fact that couples usually own houses together and this is definitely not a good time to sell a house which is what usually happens in a divorce. So even though more people may want to get divorced, it’s actually a really bad time to do that.

Fascinating stuff. In my opinion, it’s a bad idea to make a decision about something as huge as divorce when you’re going through tough times because of other things. A marriage will go through rough times and getting through them together can really serve to strengthen your relationships.

Take a look at my two newest articles on this topic: How to Avoid Divorcing Because of the Economy and How to Delay Divorce Until the Economy Improves. Then come back and let me know what you think about those tips and whether you have any additional advice for people who are thinking about the pros and cons of divorcing in these rough economic times.


The Little Things in Relationships

One of the things that has always fascinated me most about life is relationships. All relationships interest me from sibling relationships to friendships but it’s the way that romantic relationships work that really captures my fascination.

I entered my first long-term relationship when I was fourteen. Ever since (for more than half of my life) I have been trying to figure out who I am inside and outside of relationships and how to make mine work best. What I’ve learned over the years is that relationships require a lot of hard work but they’re also the best thing that life offers us and one of the greatest ways to learn about ourselves.

I believe, in the end, that the best part of relationships is the day-to-day stuff that we do for each other when we’re in them. It’s those little moments of tenderness and kindnesses and ways we support each other and be there for each other that really make all relationships worth it.

My belief in that is why I’ve written a guide on how to make your spouse feel special every day. It’s not because I think that this is something we have to do in a long-term relationship but because it’s something that I think we should do if we want to have happy, positive, giving and loving relationships. I hope that I keep wanting to do the little things for someone for the rest of my life … and that I keep learning more and more about how relationships work because I really think that’s one of the most important things we can learn in this lifetime.