As I sit down to write this, I am asking myself, “what is the smartest thing you’re thinking about right now?” I want to cut through the mess and share smart thought-provoking thoughts here. But the truth is that my smarts are kind of scattered right now.

During the times when I feel healthiest, I am enjoying a routine. I journal in the mornings. I read a bit in the morning as well. Then I work for a short period of time. I go to yoga or for a walk. In the evening, I do something creative (crochet/collage) while watching a movie (foreign/documentary). I go out a few times a week with friends for discussion and entertainment. The entertainment is often educational/artsy/cultural.

However, I fall out of this pattern as often as I fall into it. At the moment, the routine has faded. There are still a lot of smart, creative things happening in my life but they feel more scattered. There are books on my bed but none are succeeding in capturing my daily interest. I’m watching addiction shows (Intervention/Hoarders) more than the movies in Spanish I really want to be watching. I’m working more than usual and going to yoga less.

It used to be that I’d beat myself up when I fell into times like this. I felt like the routine way of doing things was “right” and this was “wrong”. That’s changed in the past year or so, though. I know that the routine feels better in a lot of ways and I aim for that. However, I also know that sometimes ideas and thoughts and understanding emerge from the messiness of less routine times.

I do think that I need to make a concentrated effort to journal more and go to yoga more. Those things bring me back to myself so that I can actually analyze and understand and articulate what’s going on in my head. The rest will sort itself out.

And honestly, I think that might be the smartest thought that I can offer today … to aim for great things for yourself but cut yourself a lot of slack when you aren’t doing precisely what you think you ought to be doing.